The Dark Cloud Is Lifting
I am in better spirits this evening. I saw surgeon number 2 today for a second opinion. Dr. Bodai, is a pretty well known breast surgeon specializing in breast cancer. He was great. Very straight forward and honest. I was told that from the biopsy my DCIS is a high grade which means very aggressive, not surprised because due to my age this is usually the case.
He also said that from my biopsy they found that I am E- which is estrogen negative. The drug that usually follows radiation is tamoxifen, this helps to hold off hormone induced cancer. However he said that this would not work for me.
I am moving forward with the lumpectomy on Friday with a sentinel lymph node biopsy. I am hearing that the dye that is injected in me, will hurt like no other. Not sure if I am happy to know this or not.
Dr. Bodai was very clear today that the biopsy I had was of a very small area. There could be invasive still, in another area or around this particular tumor. He mentioned if it is invasiave then chemo would be neccesary for sure due to my age. They are already wanting to move forward with a very aggresive treatment. High grade DCIS comes back many times in a very invasive form, usually after a year or two.
So this is what I learned today, open and real answers. There was no promises made and only honest answers. I appreciated that so much.
I am leaving the darkness that sometimes this cancer can bring me too. I do not want to wallow in this, I have four beautiful kids, a great husband and a wonderful job! The sun is out, and I want to enjoy my life. I undersand that all of the emotions I am feelign are only normal. I just don’t want to allow this “beast” to suck me in.
Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow I will reclaim my living in the moment. This is the hardest test for me, to really live what I have been learning over the year. My new phylosophy in life is really testing me. To be completly happy I have to be here, in this moment, enjoying this very minute I am granted.
Tomorrow I will wake up refreshed, I will be Amber again… not this girl scared to death of the cells inside of me.
Tonight however I am tired and will go to bed early, to start anew in the morning!